I am.
Every competition is a kind of adventure, or a story. Great stories are usually made up by chapters: training, getting injured, picking up training again, training more, travelling, trying to sleep the night before the tournament, warming up, waiting for your turn, performing across the various rounds... what else? Oh yes, the verdict. Which is not up to you, though. But to those misty figures who are the judges. If you're a long date follower of this blog, you know I think Poomsae competitions are about Truth, because they expose you to the merciless product of your work, talent and cold blood. There are no excuses for a poor performance. Once you step on the competition mat, it's all up to you. However, performance and result are very different things as they are separated by your opponents' own performances and the judges' ratings.
Once I was told high level gymnasts never quit their discipline because of the incredibly hard training involved, but only because of the judges, who can -and often do- destroy years of work with a single mark. As in all aesthetic sports, in TKD Poomsae as well the results are determined by judges, who can be subject to incompetence, political pressures, and personal interests. How many dubious medals awarded to the host country at every World or continental championship? This is why I try to persuade my students to consider the performance over the result, because whereas the performance is always true, the result is not.
It's hard, though. As hard as cutting out the last chapter in a story when you're putting together the threads of it. If you're out to catch the deepest meaning, you can't help starting from the ending. But if you really know you did well, and the referees' ratings are no excuse to hide the truth emerged on the mat, then part of your loyalty to the Truth itself consists in being proud and content with that. Even though I know, pride doesn't glitter around the neck.
